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Caroline Given, LCSW
"For new mothers whose bodies often are completely entangled with their newborns [combined with] the anxiety and guilt that can sometimes come with wanting more space, a shower is a time when you can honor your body autonomously,” says licensed therapist Caroline Given, LCSW.
"Journaling gives us an opportunity to experience the emotional release that comes with expressing ourselves in a raw and unfiltered way,” says Caroline Given, a licensed clinical social worker, and therapist. It can be challenging to process things as you're experiencing them and journaling offers a chance to see things differently. "There is no wrong way to journal," Given says.
Caroline Given, a life coach and therapist, likens a post-vacation mindset to an impressionist painting. When you look at the painting up close and eventually move away from it, you can see the complete picture from a different perspective. "What looked like arbitrary blobs of paint up close forms something tangible when you take a step back," Given explains. "Vacations provide that clarity and perspective when you return home. You can see the big picture, differentiate your priorities, and feel mentally and emotionally refreshed."
According to therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., the trend is a reflection of the desire to create a cohesive narrative out of people’s favorite experiences. “It can be very powerful and empowering to be cognizant of this process, and realize that you can select what to emphasize in your own life journey,” Given tells Bustle. “I see it as a form of narrative therapy. It helps inform people that they’re the narrator of their own life and I think being aware of how experiences define you can help us make meaning out of existence,” she says, adding that it can be an antidote to life feeling chaotic or out of control.
According to New York-based therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., the feminine urge to keep things breezy even when they’re not is also a legit gender issue. “There is an unfair expectation of women to socially perform in a cheery, overly compliant manner regardless of the circumstances,” she tells Bustle. Given adds that when men communicate with assertiveness, they are alternatively observed as confident. “The same communication style from a woman is seen as aggressive, demanding, or unpleasant — unless she overcompensates to convey warmth.”
Hobbies can contribute to “healthy self-esteem and identity formation,” says therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., which can help diversify and increase the paths in which you bring joy into your life…“When you’re engaging in hobbies for mental health purposes, you want to pick activities that are stimulating but not overly challenging,” Given tells Bustle. “The brain loves novelty and engaging in true ‘play’, so anything you’re curious about or takes you away from daily life is a good place to put your energy,” she adds, noting that hobbies give you an opportunity to be mindful.
According to therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., it’s always better to wait before texting anything. ”Use the Notes app if you want to draft out any of those raw emotions, but definitely pause until you’re in a place where you’re calm enough to press send,” she tells Bustle. That said, there is a sweet spot, and waiting too long can be unfair to the person on the other end. “I’m an advocate of not letting anything wait for way too long, the best communication is current and transparent,” she adds.
Going to a bar alone “is a reminder of your inherent value,” says millennial life coach and therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., so long as you mix it up with doing other activities with friends. “The times that you treat yourself shouldn’t just be in the company of others, because that implicitly sends a message that relaxation or treating yourself is dependent on other people or only for celebrations or accomplishments,” she says.
“This very millennial phenomenon, according to clinical therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., is not always as malicious as it might seem. Given says that while many people unintentionally ghost thanks to forgetfulness, having too much on their plate, or legit technical mishaps, others choose to pull a quick fade instead of actually, you know, communicating.”
“The pandemic sped up so many processes that would have maybe taken years to occur gradually,” clinical therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., tells Bustle about the seemingly “abrupt realizations” regarding our personal relationships. “There was a forced self-reflection time for many people.” Choosing to end a friendship, she adds, “indicates that you’ve gained knowledge and insight about yourself and have taken action to live a life that more closely aligns with want you want.”
According to clinical therapist and millennial life coach Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., it only takes one person to refresh the energy of the chat. By stepping up as the resurrection tribute and stirring the pot with a few loaded or dynamic questions, you can breathe new life into an old chat.
…trying to highlight a positive aspect of a situation, rushing to remedy it, or making a comparison to belittle it, can be really damaging, clinical therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., tells Bustle. “Any language that is invalidating or isolating is a no go,” Given says, adding that pushing someone to problem-solve before they are ready to take action, or before they are ready for that kind of support, can actually make the situation worse.
Clinical therapist and life coach Caroline Given, L.C.S.W, says it’s equally as important to consider “what would feel like a self-betrayal" to not address…Given suggests that these moments of conflict can be opportunities for self-reflection. "It can be easy to get caught up in a defensive spiral where you start to over-emphasize your view as being right or correct, and see any alternative or opposing view as a threat," Given says. "When we start to focus on our 'rightness' rather than being open and compassionate to one another, you lose your ability to communicate in a way that could produce any meaningful change," she says.
According to clinical therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., our reaction to the show is more indicative of what we are going through, rather than what the show presents. "The polarizing views on Emily in Paris reveal a lot about how people respond to crisis and chaos," she says. "It’s undeniable that in America we are experiencing a time of upheaval and while there are a variety of ways to cope with that, I believe the two major cognitive inclinations are towards either escapism or reality confrontation."
For people who are stressed out or even dealing with depression, this is especially appealing, says therapist Caroline Given, LCSW. "To see someone finally throwing away their to-go cup graveyard and putting away piles of clothes is aspirational because we’re getting visual access to an inner healing that is beginning to take place, which is inspiring," Given says.
Stepping away from the job for a few days, or even a few hours, can be restorative, according to therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W. "While I focus a great deal on how to take steps in your daily working life to minimize burnout, I also emphasize the importance of vacations as a necessary component of treatment, especially now," she tells Bustle. "Vacations are an investment in your ability to continue to do sustainable quality work instead of collapsing from exhaustion," Given says.
Clinical therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., says there’s no excuse for anyone to claim that they don’t know the severity of the virus and aren’t aware of the risks. “If you have an internet connection, you know what’s going on,” she says…Given explains that it’s more productive to assume that your friends have the same information that you do, and are making different choices, rather than assuming that you are in a position to educate them and change their behavior, which could lead to more tension.
"The way Zoom and other video conferencing platforms are set up isn’t conducive for the kind of back and forth, semi-collaborative type of conversations people have in-person," says licensed therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W. Only one person can be amplified at a time, which requires more unnatural pauses and gestures than what would occur in person. "You don’t have access to the same audio and visual micro cues as an in-person dialogue that would help you to structure the conversation to be more comfortable, fluid, and natural," Given says. "You have to rely primarily on vocal pitch and tone, facial expressions, the audio the microphone picks up, and the content of what somewhat is saying." It's not quite enough to make you feel like you're having an easy back and forth.
"Answering a text message right now may feel too emotionally exhausting because the inherent weight of a text has changed," says licensed therapist and millennial life coach Caroline Given, L.C.S.W. Before the pandemic, your social life didn't live entirely on your phone, but now, they’re our socially distant social experience. "There is now a sort of implied expectation that electronic communication is supposed to mirror or substitute our in-person relationship dynamic. And that is an inherently draining expectation!" Given explains.
According to clinical therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., these videos provide structure that people desperately need right now. "People are looking for some framework," Given says, explaining that with schedule and routines uprooted by the pandemic, people are starting to realize that there's room for anxiety to enter (or re-enter) the equation. "We have no basis for what is normal right now. Watching how someone else structures their time give us some concept of what 'normal daily life' could look like," Given explains, adding that "it’s almost self-parenting in a way." Plus, there's the entertainment value. "These videos are relaxing, they are enjoyable and calming to watch," Given says.
“According to a licensed therapist Caroline Given, LCSW, the cottagecore lifestyle is inherently therapeutic due to its unintentional roots in behavioral activation — a cognitive behavioral therapy technique used to treat depression. Behavioral activation creates a sense of productivity by giving people small, pleasurable tasks to accomplish over the course of a week or so. Studies show that increasing one's interaction with rewarding activities, "improves mood, builds confidence, and helps us obtain a sense of control over our lives," Given explains.”
"There is this idea that not only is a haircut a new look, but potentially an opportunity to be a new person, which is a seductive prospect for many people who struggle with feelings of futility in their life," clinical therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., tells Bustle. This might resonate with people now more than ever. Even if you have no intention of altering anything about yourself, Given says that there is an element involved in haircutting tied to "shedding the past." When we cut our hair, "we're permanently removing something that was a fixture in our former experiences to make room for something new," Given explains. It can be symbolic of turning to a new page — a theme that's relevant right now for all.
According to licensed therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., it's more than OK to make little, immediate changes to keep your hands away from your face while you work on the emotional aspect at your own pace. "The root of these behavior disruption/replacement techniques is based in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) which emphasizes mindfulness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation," Given says, adding that DBT is so effective because it teaches skills that will work immediately, so you have something effective to supplement while you’re addressing "the larger core issue." For some people, the core issue might lie in a disorder like dermatillomania or trichotillomania — urges to to pick skin or pull out hair, respectively — which should be treated with a specialist.
“It seems that getting to redo your prom in quarantine is an opportunity many didn't know they needed. "Prom is significant at the time it’s occurring but we also know it has significance for the future, that our future selves will look back at that time, and we hope we have a favorable impression of our past self," clinical therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., tells Bustle. "In a way, we’re kind of showing off to our future selves," Given adds. She explains that people who have already been to prom might be enticed by this trend as "a way of altering their narrative to reflect their more true self." Some things might have been too challenging to embrace as a teenager, like struggles with self-esteem or identity. "In that way it can almost be viewed as a corrective emotional experience," Given adds.”